It was the only thing Bon-hwa could think of as he lay there on the grimy hardness of the pavement that stretched from one end of the alley to the other. If he thought about it really hard, like really hard, he could think all the way back to the way things used to be before he left home. And even if he couldn't pin-point the exact details of every step along this twisted journey, Bon could certainly pick out the highlights in what lead him down this path. Both figuratively and literally, mind you.
Those general instances which pushed him toward leaving home, toward living in a foreign country, surviving on so little, and becoming some sad broken sap lying in an alley. And just when he'd tried to escape what his life had become, coming to Ireland in an effort to run from demons which were apparently attached at the hip, that plan had fallen flat and hard.
"God...," he croaked painfully, his ribs likely bruised which made it hurt to even breathe, "Please, God... I want a fix." He'd been a heroin addict for about two years now, having been surprised to find back then that it was the only he could find that made him feel normal. Or at least made him feel as good and whole as he had before the universe decided to flush him down the toilet. Everything that had happened since the falling out with his parents somehow lead right up to this point. This point being lying in an alley after having the shit beat out of him by a couple of tavern patrons. And really, Bon-hwa had meant no harm, or at least no relative harm. But being stranded in this place, having no money, and being a prostitute...Well, you know how it goes; a person's gotta do what a person's gotta do. A simple, and discreet mind you, proposition had turned into Bonnie's first serious experience as someone's punching bag. Only it was two someones' punching bag. The guy in the tavern had seemed receptive and even went so far as to suggest that they go into the alley behind the establishment.
What Bon hadn't expected though was company...and getting a beating worse than he's ever received while being called a fag and having AIDS wished on him, even though they don't know the half of it. Not that it matters though. When the two men left, all he could think about was the horrible pain and vaguely wondering if something somewhere in him is broken and if it's a real and tangible break or if finally his brain and heart are broken from everything he's been through. And even now, even when the pain has turned into this dull throb throughout his whole body, Bon-hwa doesn't move. He's too busy asking himself 'Now how did I end up here?'
Those general instances which pushed him toward leaving home, toward living in a foreign country, surviving on so little, and becoming some sad broken sap lying in an alley. And just when he'd tried to escape what his life had become, coming to Ireland in an effort to run from demons which were apparently attached at the hip, that plan had fallen flat and hard.
"God...," he croaked painfully, his ribs likely bruised which made it hurt to even breathe, "Please, God... I want a fix." He'd been a heroin addict for about two years now, having been surprised to find back then that it was the only he could find that made him feel normal. Or at least made him feel as good and whole as he had before the universe decided to flush him down the toilet. Everything that had happened since the falling out with his parents somehow lead right up to this point. This point being lying in an alley after having the shit beat out of him by a couple of tavern patrons. And really, Bon-hwa had meant no harm, or at least no relative harm. But being stranded in this place, having no money, and being a prostitute...Well, you know how it goes; a person's gotta do what a person's gotta do. A simple, and discreet mind you, proposition had turned into Bonnie's first serious experience as someone's punching bag. Only it was two someones' punching bag. The guy in the tavern had seemed receptive and even went so far as to suggest that they go into the alley behind the establishment.
What Bon hadn't expected though was company...and getting a beating worse than he's ever received while being called a fag and having AIDS wished on him, even though they don't know the half of it. Not that it matters though. When the two men left, all he could think about was the horrible pain and vaguely wondering if something somewhere in him is broken and if it's a real and tangible break or if finally his brain and heart are broken from everything he's been through. And even now, even when the pain has turned into this dull throb throughout his whole body, Bon-hwa doesn't move. He's too busy asking himself 'Now how did I end up here?'